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Description
EVEN IF I'M NOTMy first words as a mother were, "Dont drop him. It was as if I knew, even before I held my first child, that I wouldnt be able to hold onto my children. \n \nWe were the family who lost half our children; over a ten year period, four of our eight children died, as infants, from a rare mitochondrial disorder. After the babies died, I was sure that nothing terrible could happen to us ever again. \n \n \nNot to us. \n \n \nThen, Yossi, our oldest child
My first words as a mother were, "Don’t drop him.” It was as if I knew, even before I held my first child, that I wouldn’t be able to hold onto my children.
\n
\nWe were the family who lost half our children; over a ten-year period, four of our eight children died, as infants, from a rare mitochondrial disorder. After the babies died, I was sure that nothing terrible could happen to us ever again.
\n
\n
\nNot to us.
\n
\n
\nThen, Yossi, our oldest child and only son, drowned six weeks before his wedding day.
\n
\n
\nAs a child, Yossi loved playing with words. Once, when he was getting ready for school, I said to him, "There are bagels on the counter if you’re hungry.”
\n
\n
\nHe said, "Even if I’m not.”
\n
\n
\n"What?”
\n
\n
\n"The bagels are on the counter even if I’m not hungry.”
\n
\n
\nAfter Yossi died, I grappled with long-held beliefs: Hashem is close; everything that happens has a purpose; and our neshamos continue to exist after we leave This World. The comfort of these truths was there for me, if I was ready to accept it, but also—as I learned—"even if I’m not”…
\n
\n
\nAt first, I couldn’t find my way forward. I felt like Hashem was saying, I’m asking you to do something impossible. Do it anyway.
\nEven If I’m Not is the story of doing the impossible.
\n
\nBy Devorie Kreiman
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4.2 ★★★★★
Based on 30 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 4
Great for keeping bank statements clean but random security delays are frustrating
Reload type: One Time Reload
I use the balance reload tool to manage my monthly budget and easily hit credit card sign-up bonuses. It keeps my bank statements totally clean by grouping dozens of tiny e-book and movie rental charges into one single transaction. Most of the time the whole process works flawlessly and the money shows up in my account within five minutes. It is honestly the easiest way to put a hard limit on my family's everyday online shopping.
You just need to watch out for a few annoying system quirks when you load larger amounts of money. Even though it usually works instantly the automated security filter sometimes flags big reloads and freezes the transaction for hours. This random delay is incredibly frustrating if you are trying to add cash fast to catch a lightning deal before it expires. You also have to remember that this balance is strictly non-refundable and cannot be used to buy other gift cards.
Overall this is still a great method for organizing online spending and maximizing your cash-back credit card rewards. It totally fixed how I track household purchases but you definitely have to tolerate the occasional processing delays. My best advice is to load your account a day or two before you actually need to buy a big-ticket item. It works perfectly as a budgeting tool as long as you know the rules and plan for the random security hold.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Fast
Reload type: One Time Reload
Super fast easy to use and reload
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Reviewed in the United States on June 11, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Just What I Needed for My Home Office
Color: Black
I’ve been very happy with this office chair. It was straightforward to assemble, feels sturdy, and offers excellent support for long hours at my desk.
The adjustable lumbar support, armrests, and headrest make it easy to customize for a comfortable fit, and the mesh design helps keep the chair breathable throughout the day.
Overall, this chair is comfortable, ergonomic, and a great value for a home office setup.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 21, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Great chair for my gaming husband
Color: Black
My husband loves this chair. He is 6’ 4” and he has room in this chair. It is super comfortable and easy to put together. This chair is sturdy and worth every penny.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 7, 2026
★★★★★ 4
OK for basic Office chair
Color: Black
Positives:Comfortable chair, decent lumbar support. Negatives: no height adjustment for seat or tilt. Handles spin to sides with the slightest touch. Will try to figure out how to securehandles in place. Period good entry level office chair, should have ordered more of an upgraded chair.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 19, 2026
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